Trouble adjusting

Here we are, 25 days into the new parent thing. Some days are easier than others. Some days are brutally tough. And I have HELP. I have someone I can turn to when I can't handle anymore. I didn't think it would be so tough. I truly feel for women (and men) who have to do this on their own. It is not an easy task.

I love this little bean. I mean, it's weird to feel like this about someone that you literally just met but I do. But that doesn't mean it's not a challenge. When you just can't figure out why she's crying and you've tried everything... and I don't even think I have a colicky baby, where she cries all the time for no reason. She doesn't cry excessively, it's just an adjustment. But then she smiles at you (it's just gas, I'm sure) and it's all worth it.

I'm still dealing with some issues though. I can't sit for too long, got a bit of pain in the bum. I won't go into details but it's f%^&*&^ painful and when all you have to do in your day is sit. On top of that, apparently I'm possibly bordering on postpartum depression, according to my midwife. She's a little concerned. Here I just thought it was hormones. The stress of learning to deal with a young one and on top of that, not working. I guess it could be more than that - weather, it's been cold, snowing, raining, gross. I need to be more diligent. I haven't been out of the house with just the bun, alone. It feels overwhelming. I'll have to do it soon though - I'm thinking that heading out to a new mother's/baby's group is probably a good idea. I need to know other people are going through some of the same things I am.

I know if physically I felt better, I'd emotionally feel better. Sure, having a bit of warm sunshine wouldn't hurt but it's winter after all.. it ain't going to happen. We've talked about moving down near my parents. I'm trying not to make any rash decisions at this point but it's hard in the thick of things. A few months will go by and I'm sure I won't feel so bad. Things will settle down. I'll look back on this and be surprised. I just have to take one day at a time.

On a bright note, M and I are celebrating our first anniversary on Wednesday. We might even take a friend up on her offer to watch the bean and go out for dinner. What a year it's been! I'm so happy, I've really married my best friend and a wonderful partner in this new phase in our life. Thank you, M. I love you.