Diverting from our regularly scheduled program...
---Q: why did the pervert cross the road?
A: he was stuck in the chicken.-----
Ok, this is Irishs' joke. this is what I get to live with... day in/day out. Silly joke, maybe. But it never fails to make me laugh. HE never fails to make me laugh. I never fail to say rude, unexpected things that he doesn't expect. It's a good combination. Laughter truly is the most important thing in a relationship, methinks. Never have I been in a relationship where one minute I'm irked by something he's done, the next minute I'm laughing at something he's said. I can't hold a grudge, I can't be angry, frankly, life is too short. Why would I want to be angry at my best friend? Why would anyone want to be mad at a friend, ever?
I understand someone doing something to you. I understand losing trust in a person because they hurt you, because their definition of integrity is different than yours and theirs isn't enough. What I don't understand is 'misunderstandings'. When one person says one thing and it's miscontrued, taken out of context, or just plain taken wrong. Why would anyone who's a truly a 'friend' just let something as little as that keep you from being friends with them? The first time I experienced this, I was doing something emotionally abusive to myself. My friend that I was spending a majority of my time with was also affected by it. I don't remember exactly what I was doing to her but it wasn't good, I didn't even know I was doing it. She wrote me a long letter and told me what I'd done, told me she was planning on backing off from our friendship because I wasn't being good to myself, to her. Thank god she wrote me that letter instead of just cutting me out of her life. We were able to move past the problem after talking about it in great detail. We are still great friends today, probably one of the only friends that I have a truly 'honest' friendship with. I can tell her anything.
Having true friends is such a blessing.. actually making them, even harder. Especially as I get older, I cherish my friendships more. The people who actually stick around, who put in the work that it takes to maintain. Meeting people is easy. Finding people who not only want to have a new friend but who actually want to do the work is like finding a needle in a haystack. When you find those people you have to hold on. So I don't understand when some people back off, when you don't hear from them for awhile. I don't understand people who hold grudges. Tell me you're pissed if you are, let's move on from this. Tell me I said something shitty, or I don't call you enough and you want to hear from me more, let's move forward. Give a sh1t, like you care that you haven't heard from me in a couple weeks - have enough balls to make the first move. I don't care. Just don't let the friendship end. Don't let it disappear to nothingness. Fight for it. Don't you think it's worth it?
Friday, February 17, 2006
not the post I was planning...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
:-)
I agree with you for the most part, but I also thinks friends and friendships evolve, just like everything else. I don't have the friends I did in my early 20s, because I was a different person back then. I wouldn't relate to them now and they wouldn't relate to me. It's not a bad thing, and they/I/we are not bad people, it's just how things go sometimes.
And sometimes, I think it isn't worth it to fight to keep a friend. My girlfriends and I tried that a couple of years ago and all it did was drain us and cause the rest of our relationships damage. Friendships can be one sided at times, if one party is going through crap, but overall, they should be about balance and common interests etc. If that's not the case and energy is being drained, but not replaced, then no, I don't think it's worth trying to maintain, because I don't think anybody should lose themselves trying to help someone else - ultimately, that's not good for either of them.
I think there's a lot of substance to the Reason/Season/Lifetime poem and that it doesn't necessarily matter how long someone is in your life, or even how they left it, but rather that you took something constructive from it and used it the next time.
http://www.steeldog.com/reasonseasonlifetime.htm
(Sorry for the long rant!) :-/
Oh, wow...
I've always been blessed with really great friendships. I have a few friends who I've had for many, many years. I also have new friends who are very special to me. I've never really had to tolerate a high-maintenance relationship. My friends and I can trust each other. We share thoughts. We cry together. We laugh together. We have fun together. We support each other and love each other quite unconditionally.
I'm feel extremely lucky that my hubby is also my best friend. With him, I feel like we're a "couple". In my first marriage, my husband and I were not friends. We were two separate people who lived together. ugh. It feels so great to be in love with someone who I like to buddy around with. We love to just BE together and we laugh all the time!!
Thanks, A.
xoxo
G
p.s. i'll write soon...
G, I love that for you, and for A and Risible Girl. It's so cool to watch you guys getting that happiness from your partners. Ohhh, and Mel!! How could I forget!?
I agree with you, E. I love that poem because it does ring true. People can come into your life for a reason. I guess I think if it's a random event, where the thing done doesn't necessarily fit the person, that doesn't seem to me a good reason to quit them. But I do agree that you shouldn't keep people in your life that are a lot of work... sometimes it's just better to move on.
I dont actually have that situation going on right now, just a few girlfriends who are tied up in their busy lives and I miss them. But fortunately there are others I can rely on in the meantime!! :))
hugs to you both,
a
Oh wow....
This just smacked me upside the head. It's odd... you know I had to pull away from a friend recently. We're having lunch tomorrow and I'm terrified.
I suppose I pulled away when she 'didn't' bring it to me. I don't mind people needing time for themselves. But, making a concious choice not to bring an issue to a friend - it hurts so much.... I admire your honesty here.... thank you.
((((((A))))))
First, I had to laugh at the joke and that it never fails to make you laugh. I have the same thing with Hubby. He'd kill me if he knew I was 'sharing', but he knows that if he pretends to be an angry chimpanzee, I'm on the floor laughing. Holy cow does he do a good impression!
On to the other; I had to break up with a girlfriend once, but I gave her a lot of warnings first. It's the only time I've purposefully let a friendship go.
I also have had 'fade away' relationships and I'm going to take full responsibility for that. I'm so passionate about whatever is going on at the moment and sometimes that takes time away from girlfriends.
Post a Comment