Every day gets better..... well, interesting anyhow

This last few weeks has been busy. E has been sprouting up a couple teeth (two at the same time! oy!) so needless to say, she hasn't been a happy camper. One minute she's smiling like a crazy thing and then suddenly it's crying and fussy and ugh, here M, she's yours, you hold her for awhile. lol (seriously folks, M's a brilliant dad and she's a daddy's girl. i'm definitely hovering on the outside of this trio.)

Besides that, M's parents came over from the Emerald Isle. They arrived last Wed and are here for a couple more weeks. It's been going well. M's mam takes E for walks and M's dad is frustrating..er.. helping M finish a major project. Another project, you may ask? Yes, there is a big hole downstairs where a window used to be and some concrete wall. They are installing the french doors that used to be in our kitchen. That room is going to someday be our master bedroom, provided we don't move out of the city and get a huge house for nothing.

I was hoping to get started on Weight Watchers but haven't had the time or energy to get to a meeting. With all that's going on, I guess I'm going to wait (and have to pay $20 extra bucks because there's a special going on right now) until the folks leave. I was hoping to get to the gym while they've been here but my pillow-top has me pinned to it most mornings. I can't move. It's frustrating. I desperately want to and need to see my belly size decrease and I can.not.get.motivated. This is not like me. I actually LIKE working out. I miss the gym. I just can.not.get.going. Sigh.

OH! and last but not least, I had LASIK surgery last week!!! WOOOOO HOOOO. The best thing ever and so much less painful than having a baby with no meds. lol I went in early in the morning, had the procedure which took all of 30 minutes, rested in a dark room for about 4 hours and could see by mid day with no glasses or contacts. When I went in for my follow up on Friday, my eyes measured 20/15 (20/20 being the best, 20/15 being smaller "better")! I was saying things like "is that a hiker over there on the Olympics (mountains approx. 200 miles away)?" and silly things like that. I cannot believe I didn't do this sooner. It's a dream.

we've been really busy...

...working on our sitting up. Hi all, today is E's 6 month birthday. I can't believe it's been six months! I can't believe that it's been a month since I've been able to get on here and write. Holy cow!

I was lucky enough to get to see Anonymous G and Ang for lunch, when G was in town. I picked a place that would be easy to find and that I *thought* would be good and it wasn't. It really bugs me when I know a lot of good places in this area. Ah well. Let's just say I won't be sending anyone to the Pyramid Alehouse down by the Mariner's stadium. Although the waiter was mildly entertaining. Poor E's first meeting with G and Ang and she melted down midway through lunch. I had to make a run for it and interestingly enough, she chilled once we got out of the restaurant... I think E didn't like the place either! :))

On top of everything else, we've had a nice few weeks as a family. Weekends where we take long walks and enjoy the great weather we've been having. Even a trip to Home Despot or Lowe's is nicer when you are there as a family! lol Although the kitchen needs a few finishing touches, we've moved out to the front yard for demolition. I may have mentioned that we have families of boys on both sides of us, ages ranging from 6-13. Because the guy who owned our house before us didn't care, they like to use our yard as a thoroughfare. They have been known to play in our front yard because it's flat and I assume so both sets of parents can see them. Since we work at home, we've asked them to leave but they still tromp through the backyard. So we are putting up a fence and we are landscaping the yard a bit so it isn't so conveniently flat. It gets annoying. So that's our current project. Getting easier to do when E is getting closer to staying upright as the photo shows!

So that's it, a quick note to tell you what's going on. We are taking a quick trip to San Diego to visit my folks and shortly after that M's folks are coming over for their first trip to America! Looking forward to it as I know they are looking forward to seeing E. Woo HOO.

the start of a new page

Let's just say it this way...

Hello:






Goodbye :


I sold one baby to make way for another. I'm just a few steps away from a minivan. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ah, where do the days go?

Gone are the days when I could while away the hours reading or online or working in the garden... well, in fairness, they aren't completely gone. I really try to have some "full on" time with Emer during the weekends because when I work during the week, she gets a video while her dad finishes painting or putting on skirting board or handles for the new cabinets, etc. The weekends are our quality time and I try to take that seriously. Sure, sometimes we have to run errands. Sometimes we have to laundry. Sometimes, often, it's pissing rain and we are stuck indoors. But sometimes, every now and then, I get lucky and there is a window of good weather where we get to go for a walk together, or sit out on the back deck and hang out in the sun. Or at least, the non-rain. :) When Emer takes her naps, I run around trying to get the kitchen cleaned up or a bit of laundry finished or bottles made. It seems like there's always something to do. And we're the lucky ones.... our precious bundle sleeps. She goes down about 7-8pm and sleeps until morning. We get two hours together in the evenings where we're both too tired to anything other than watch tv and share a bottle of wine. Some of our friends aren't so lucky. We are truly blessed.

So, since I wrote last I have turned down the job that would've allowed me to move to san diego. i just didn't like the girl i would've been working for and i would've been away from emer and martin too much.

On a happier note, our kitchen is mostly finished. We need new light fixtures and new countertops. Honestly, I don't know when we're going to fit that in. M's finding it alot harder to do work on the house when he's supposed to be watching Emer. Go figure. I'm thinking of lining up a daycare and saying 'hey, why don't we drop her off here today?' lol



It's all good. Just busy. As I guess it should be when you have a baby.

wondering where I'd gotten to?

Yep, I went for the huge photo. It really captures her look the best. :))

So much has changed since I last wrote. I'll have to fill you in on it. Soon. I'll be back in the next few days to tell you where I've been and what's been going on. In the meantime, here's my smiley girl.

Miss you all!

Sorta getting it back together

I settled for a big photo. The other was too small. I have a big surprise for M's birthday, a new digital SLR camera. I think it will help us get photos of E smiling - we seem to miss it because our stupid little Olympus just isn't quick enough. Or the batteries are dead. You know, you've heard it from me before. So anyhow, I researched the camera and I found one I hope he likes. Really, it's the only thing he ever talks about wanting but he hasn't had time to buy. It's a surprise and it's all I can do not to tell him what it is! Especially because this morning we took a photo of himself and E, in their "work clothes" (M's remodeling the kitchen) and she was only smiliing for a split second and I missed it.

The kitchen is moving along. M has the upper cabinets installed, the floor tiled, the outlets ready for wiring (he just needs to put the box in the wall) and the plumbing plumbed. I am constantly amazed at how much he can do. He's such a perfectionist though, I can only imagine how long it would take if he was satisfied with his work. Sometimes I have to say, honestly, who's going to notice that if it's a teeny-tiny bit off. Otherwise he'd never finish! lol But really, he's incredible with this stuff, really incredible. I can't wait to use the kitchen. I'll post photos when it is closer to being done.

E is doing well, tomorrow she has an appt with the dermatologist to look into her rashes. I think it's just non natural fibers that are getting to her.. based on where I see the rash. I can't really tell but maybe this doctor can shed some light into it for us. Unfortunately I have to fly down to CA for the day, so I won't make it to the appt but that's okay. I don't need to be at all of them!
Besides that, she's finally entertaining herself a bit. We can put her down with a Baby Einstein DVD and she happily watches that, drooling and laughing with it. Yep, I've already succumbed to letting her watch TV at 3 months! lol

I went to yoga yesterday for the first time since I had E. Oh my god, did I feel it today! I mean, it felt great at the time but this morning I was so stiff! I can't wait to get back to the gym, I just have to figure out how to fit it all in. I feel a little guilty since M has to work on the kitchen all the time, I try to watch E so he can do the work, I don't feel like I can take any time for myself until he's done. We're a team and I need to help him (by watching E) so he can get stuff done. He's not out doing anything for himself.... Well, you can see where I'm going with this. But the yoga class was a pre/post natal class so I was able to bring E. She slept most of the time, then the rest I laid her out on a mat with her blanket and she laid on her back and looked up at me and smiled. It was lovely. I'm hoping to set her up in the daycare at the gym when I get back so I can get an hour workout in.. I can't believe how hard it seems to get motivated to do it! :)) And I actually WANT to go back to working out. Does that make ANY sense? lol

Anyhow, that's all from here. Just hanging in one day at a time. I'll post again when I get a chance. Thinking of you all, even though I'm not able to comment much. I do read your blogs though.... hugs

Multi tasking at its finest

I thought the last photo was too big.. This one is too small. What happened to Photobucket? They changed... Gosh, you go away for a few months and blogger changes, photobucket changes, I've changed! Everything is different.

I'm sitting here typing, as my foot is tapping on the bouncy chair that has no bounce. The batteries may have died, or, because we got this second hand from some friends, the vibrator part occasionally goes on the fritz. Whatever it is, I have to bounce the girl sometimes when she's getting tired.. then she'll fall asleep.. It's like rubbing your head and patting your belly (or is it the other way around?) - it's tough! But she's napping and that's all that matters.

I was supposed to start working today. We have no kitchen though so I eked another day out so that M could get some work done. Only we had to go to the pediatrician because it seems our little pet has eczema and this rash seems to be making her rather fussy. Or maybe she's just getting fussy. I don't know. Just when you think you've got it figured out, it changes. Like blogger. Like photobucket!

Unfortunately, I have to go back to work tomorrow so M is stuck. He'll have to start working when she is asleep or after I finish work or maybe while I am working... sometimes it's not too busy. He's only getting the backerboard down so that he can lay tile. We are wondering why we decided to get rid of the hardwood floor there instead of just refinishing. Ah well, lesson learned.
Anyhow, it's a noisy bit of work since it requires a bit of hammering...

I'm looking forward to going back to work (did I say that last week? am i repeating myself?)
because some days I just can't get a thing done. It's funny how having more to do makes me more organized.. does anyone else feel like that? Laying around the house just makes me lazier sometimes. Anyhow, I am looking forward to challenging my mind a bit. And I'm certainly looking forward to having something to talk about other than E - it's hilarious really. M and I talk about two things and he talks about one and I talk about the other. He talks about the kitchen. He can't stop thinking about the kitchen even in the evening when we are having dinner, I can see him looking over my shoulder and contemplating all the work he has left to do. I only talk about E - the rash that looks so uncomfortable, why she's being cranky suddenly, how cute she is, etc. I am boring. I've become my own nightmare. And therefore, going back to work is a NECESSITY. Getting back to the gym, also a necessity. Having a life, you guessed it, necessity.

I've started to see this homeopathic doctor, if you call him that. He works with acupunture and chinese herbal medicine. This is to take care of an ongoing problem but one that flared up after giving birth. I've only been once but I like the practice. He gave me some chinese herbs to take but god, they are nasty! If you've ever taken echinacea with golden seal as a tincture, under the tongue, it's akin to that. Bleccch! All I can say is that it better be working because I'm choking it down twice a day. I think it's meant to get my chi in order or something. Let's hope it works. Unlike the last acupuncturist I went to, I don't have to go back for two weeks. So it would seem he's not out to dry out my checking account anyway. I'm more committed this time, I'm going the distance. I've had this problem too long and surgery cannot be the only option. Treating the symptom and not the problem is the problem with western medicine sometimes. I'll keep you posted.

Ok, that's all. It was nice having a 20 minute space of time to write. What will I do now? She's still asleep so I might actually write a few emails! Or read a magazine. The mind reels.

I'm in love....

I don't know where to start. After over a month away, I'm finally home. I left for San Diego back in December and spent a week there, enjoying the sunshine, getting myself back. I took Emer out and about, by myself, got more comfortable with her and my ability to take care of her. We had a great time and I know my parents enjoyed spending time with her. Before we left Seattle, she was sleeping in our bed and would absolutely not go to sleep in the pack and play beside us. By the time we left for Ireland, she was sleeping on her own in the pack and play. Not only that, but sleeping through the night. We are blessed.

Without making this a blog strictly about my little girl, well.. it's kind of hard, since that's all my life has been for the past two and a half months. The amazing thing is how much she's grown. How much she's changed. She's smiling at us now. It's truly a miracle. I can't say enough.

Ireland was great. The flight over on Aer Lingus was brilliant, the stewardesses were so sweet to us with the baby. We had a bassinet, which meant we had a place for Emer to sleep which was nice. We sat next to a nice couple with another baby a week older than Emer. It was the first time we spent any time with anyone with a baby and it was fun to talk about our youngsters without feeling like we had to stop! We arrived with no problems and spent the 3 weeks visiting Martin's friends and family. It was a lot of craziness but we even managed to get a couple nights out on our own - drinking pints of Guinness - YUM - and catching up with everyone. Martin's sister had had a baby in July, her second, and he is adorable and really mellow. Her older son David, at 4 1/2, was in love with "Baby Emer" and would give her the sweetest gentlest kisses on her head and hugs. Then he'd run around like the Tasmanian devil the rest of the time! But he was always gentle with her. He wanted us to leave her in Ireland!!

I managed to catch up with one of my best friends, Julie. She had spent the last 5 months in Ireland and had met a lovely guy. They had just moved to Edinburgh in Scotland, to try and make things work as she couldn't stay in Ireland any longer due to visa restrictions. She had flown home over Christmas to LA and her flight went back through Dublin. She had a 6 hour layover so we picked her up at the airport and went into town for a couple pints and a catch up. It was absolutely brilliant - it had been over a year since I've seen her - and she is so happy. It's great to see and I hope everything works out for her and her irishman!

We spent the last 3 days in San Diego again and enjoyed a few days of 80 degrees before heading back to Seattle. The night we arrived to six inches of snow! It was such a bad storm that my friend who was going to pick us up from the airport couldn't get there. The taxi rank was 2 hours long so we ended up renting a car and driving home at 25 miles an hour. We made it. It's been crazy cold and icy for the past two days! What a welcome home.

Anyhow, there is so much that went on.. too much to post about, almost. I'll write things as I think of them. And hopefully I'll be posting photos each time.... Maybe one of these days I'll be able to get to read your posts as well!! I hope you are all doing well.

I'm back

I don't know if any of you are checking on this site anymore but we're back. Keep checking in for updates and photos. I just got home last night, have a pile of laundry to do and mail/bills to sort through but I'll get back here soon.

I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Years. May this be a wonderful year for you all.

Getting better, thank you

Thanks to everyone for the pep talks. I needed to hear that I was normal, or sorta normal. I feel about 75 percent better since that day I posted.

I started working on my individual issues, breaking them down instead of piling them on top of each other. I can't remember which day I posted but since then, I've seen a therapist at the suggestion of my midwife, my lactation consultant, my mother and M. But before I saw her, I spoke with the lactation consultant and decided that I wanted to stop breastfeeding. (I'm probably going to get some La Leche person getting on my blog and harassing me now! lol)
I think the bulk of my issue was that physically I haven't been feeling well and on top of that, feeling like a milk machine and not feeling close to my daughter. I actually felt a bit resentful of the breastfeeding and on top of that, was feeling guilty about stopping breastfeeding. I had placed this high standard on how I wanted to be a mother and I wasn't holding up well. But a number of people said that if I wasn't feeling 100 percent, I wasn't going to be able to give Emer 100 percent and she'd know it. Many of us were formula fed and turned out just fine, including myself and M, and we'd survived. I had given her a month and she was already better off than nothing. So, Thursday I decided I was going to stop. It helped to talk to my lactation consultant and she didn't skip a beat when I told her I wanted to stop. She gave me instructions now on how to dry up my milk. Needless to say, the painful swollen boobs are hardly noticeable now that my mood has lifted. I'm still working on the other issues.. one day at a time.

The biggest difference is that I am enjoying my daughter now. I feel more inclined to hold her, even when she's crying, and trying to figure out what is going on with her. I love seeing her smiles, and she has started to smile a bit. (probably gas but it's okay, we think she's smiling at us!) Last night I was even able to do the late shift with her and survived without M's help, while he went to get a bit of much needed sleep. We've also made plans to go to the San Diego area (my parents) about 5-6 days early to get some much needed sunshine. I think that getting into see the therapist and making decisions about bf helped me out a lot. I still have another appt with the therapist when I return from Ireland so I'm prepared for some of those feelings to linger... but for now, I'm doing much better...

Trouble adjusting

Here we are, 25 days into the new parent thing. Some days are easier than others. Some days are brutally tough. And I have HELP. I have someone I can turn to when I can't handle anymore. I didn't think it would be so tough. I truly feel for women (and men) who have to do this on their own. It is not an easy task.

I love this little bean. I mean, it's weird to feel like this about someone that you literally just met but I do. But that doesn't mean it's not a challenge. When you just can't figure out why she's crying and you've tried everything... and I don't even think I have a colicky baby, where she cries all the time for no reason. She doesn't cry excessively, it's just an adjustment. But then she smiles at you (it's just gas, I'm sure) and it's all worth it.

I'm still dealing with some issues though. I can't sit for too long, got a bit of pain in the bum. I won't go into details but it's f%^&*&^ painful and when all you have to do in your day is sit. On top of that, apparently I'm possibly bordering on postpartum depression, according to my midwife. She's a little concerned. Here I just thought it was hormones. The stress of learning to deal with a young one and on top of that, not working. I guess it could be more than that - weather, it's been cold, snowing, raining, gross. I need to be more diligent. I haven't been out of the house with just the bun, alone. It feels overwhelming. I'll have to do it soon though - I'm thinking that heading out to a new mother's/baby's group is probably a good idea. I need to know other people are going through some of the same things I am.

I know if physically I felt better, I'd emotionally feel better. Sure, having a bit of warm sunshine wouldn't hurt but it's winter after all.. it ain't going to happen. We've talked about moving down near my parents. I'm trying not to make any rash decisions at this point but it's hard in the thick of things. A few months will go by and I'm sure I won't feel so bad. Things will settle down. I'll look back on this and be surprised. I just have to take one day at a time.

On a bright note, M and I are celebrating our first anniversary on Wednesday. We might even take a friend up on her offer to watch the bean and go out for dinner. What a year it's been! I'm so happy, I've really married my best friend and a wonderful partner in this new phase in our life. Thank you, M. I love you.

Sleeping baby

How do I get anything done? It seems the day passes and I accomplish nothing aside from breastfeeding the wee one and writing thank you cards for the gifts we've gotten. I haven't actually sent any of those thank you cards, I've just written them. My mom is still doing the bulk of the work - she does laundry, she makes dinner, she cuddles the baby when she's fussy. My mom leaves on Monday. How are we going to do it?

I know the answer to that. We just are. We'll work it out. I'll get off my a$$ and get a bit more organized. I wonder how people go back to work - how do they do it? I want to work a little but the thought of having to breastfeed every 3 hours (the whole process takes between 30-60 minutes depending on whether she eats consistently or rests in between courses!) is keeping me from doing that. And then there's our trip to Ireland. Part of me just wants to rest the whole 3 months. Although I'm sure I'll be stircrazy by then.

It has rained exactly 13 days out of 16 since Emer was born. I don't mean little drizzly rain either, I mean Noah's Ark kind of rain where you are pretty sure you need a snorkel when you go outside. So, suffice it to say, I'm a little depressed. It could be hormones, it could be the weather, it could be this huge life change, it could be not working - it's probably all four of those things. We've talked about moving someplace sunny although I have told M that I won't make any hurried decisions since I'm sure it's just hormones talking right now.

I've noticed exactly how tiny our house is the last few weeks too. Four people and a baby shouldn't share the same space in a house like this. Since we only use one floor currently, we are talking 800 sq feet, approximately. There's no place to get away, especially in this weather. Today is nice, but maybe not nice enough to cheer me up!

I keep meaning to post photos but as I may have said, there aren't a lot of moments when her eyes are open, hence, not a lot of "different" photos. The only thing that changes are the outfits and the blankets. lol I know, I know.... enjoy every moment because they don't come along again... and I am. It's all good.

10 days on...

I can't believe it's 10 days since she was born. It's also exactly one year since M moved to the U.S. to be with me. Our anniversary is the end of the month. Some would say it's been a busy year. I know I would.

Emer (pronounced Eemer) 's name is Irish. M and I actually had come up with girl names, even though we thought we were having a boy. We went through a lot of girl names, I wanted something short with at least 2 syllables. The name needed to flow. lol Anyhow, at first M wasn't sure about Emer, as it was an ex-girlfriend's name, but to me, it didn't matter. No one has heard the name Emer before - aside from the Irish side - so it's fun to have some 'different'. The name doesn't really have any meaning, in particular. M says that Emer was the queen of mythical Ireland way back when. She's certainly a queen! Rose is my maternal grandmother's name - M came up with the middle name and I think it's perfect. It fits her!

So the first week has been a bit of a trial. We went to the pediatrician on Monday and of course, she'd lost weight. She also was a bit jaundiced which of course, sent her mother into fits of crying (of course, that was hormonal but the guilt didn't hurt to keep it going)... I'd been crying uncontrollably for a few days anyway. I guess the hormones that change after pregnancy were worse for me than the one during pregnancy. Anyhow, after that appt, I asked to see a lactation consultant because we were pretty sure the wee one wasn't eating (it's hard to tell when you are feeding from the boob). We saw her 3 times last week and she gave us some great tips, she also prescribed a breast pump and it seems like my milk is finally in! If dirty and wet diapers are any indication... lol By Friday, she'd gained back 3.6 oz (after losing 12oz) so I'm feeling pretty good about that. We're getting into a routine.

Thank god for my mother and M. They have made life easy for me in the last 10 days. I don't have to cook, clean, and could sleep whenever I want. I have someone to hand off the baby too when she's fussy, someone to change diapers, to help me get in place when I have to breast feed. It's made things sooooo much easier and I'm truly blessed. This morning I was even able to get up with Emer, change her diaper and feed her while everyone else was asleep. It's the little milestones that I'm happy with. I don't know how single mom's do it, even how women without their mom's or husbands do it. If I had to be alone all day, doing it all myself... oh my gosh, I can't even think about it. I definitely have a lot of respect for those mother's out there.

Well, it's about that time.. I need to wrap this up. I'm going to take a quick bath and get ready for the feeding frenzy that commences soon. I can see my little girl making the 'I'm almost awake' movements! I promise more photos later. We still have our damn camera with the constantly dead batteries so we had to take photos with the camera that uses film. Needless to say, we have to get them developed....

I guess I spoke too soon

As you all know by now, the bun came out of the oven! However I mentioned feeling on Halloween was justified, I really wasn't feeling right. After I finished working, I told M that we had to leave the house because I couldn't sit around feeling like I was - kinda crampy and uncomfortable. I wanted to get my mind off of it and as we needed a smaller place for the bun to sleep, we headed down to Bab1es R u$ (that last s as the dollar sign being particularly fitting!). We bought the thing we were looking for and the lady at the register asked when I was due. I laughed and said, due Friday but might be having him tonight. (See, I still was thinking boy even though the last few days I thought girl was a possibility). We laughed and went on our merry way. I didn't really think I was having him that night. We headed over to Red Robin and had a dinner consisting of mainly junk - chili cheese fries, onion rings and we split a burger. If I'd known I'd be seeing those things later, I probably would've picked some more appetizing colors or something!

We headed home after food - it was probably about 9pm - and I was starting to kind of keep track of the feelings I was having. I thought they might be contractions. It felt like particularly bad menstrual cramps and having not had those since I was 15 or so, it didn't feel good. They started out about every 15 minutes and pretty soon, I was standing up and trying to "breathe through them" because they weren't feeling particularly good. I called the doula about 11:30 (by the way, she didn't pick up right away...argh) and she finally answered after I called a second time. I told her what was going on, the contractions were about 10-11 minutes apart at this point, which means basically I *could've* been in labor or not. We had to wait and see. She told me to get some rest, sleep if I could and drink tons of liquids. Pretty soon, every contraction had me running to the bathroom, thinking I was going to throw up. I didn't at that point. I just knew I needed to.

M and I tried to go to sleep. He had no problem zonking out but every 10 minutes was awakened by me getting up, or getting on all fours to breathe through the contraction. I was making a lot of noise because my yoga breathing was all I could remember to do! I was sure our nextdoor neighbors could hear. Pretty soon, we just gave up sleeping and came back to the living room, listening to music, drinking a cup of tea, trying again to time the contractions. They were at 5 minutes apart for what seemed like quite a while - still, I didn't know if I was in full labor and didn't want to wake my doula for nothing, so we just kept working through them. It was about 2:30 in the morning when I had a contraction that made me lose my dinner. Having been drunk before I knew all about throwing up - god it felt good! lol M was convinced I needed to call the doula so we did. She didn't pick up right away so he called the hospital. They said he could bring me in and we could see how far I was - he felt better about that because he thought I was getting dehydrated. So by the time the doula called, we were packed and heading to the hospital. She was going to meet us there.

We arrived after an uneventful time in the car. It was 3:30am and we laughed about all the times/routes we'd practiced getting there during rush hour. We needn't have worried, there wasn't a spot of traffic out at that time! We arrived and they made me lay on my back - the worst position by the way - to put a couple monitors on my uterus and the baby. It's the law they do this when you come in, for twenty minutes. It was a brutal 20 minutes. Everyone was doing fine, sure enough I was having contractions...

The midwife on call arrived and it was one of our favorites. She checked me out and told me I was 5cm dialated! I had managed to get most of the way at home (which was a goal) and without my doula (not necessarily what I'd hired her for!). I was still not close though - usually it takes 1 hour per cm to dilate - so was forced to lay on my back for what seemed like forever. They decided to move me from the monitoring room to the place I would give birth and stay in afterward. I got the gown on and they found me a birthing ball to sit on. The contractions were intense and uncomfortable. I was still making a LOT of noise to get through them. Because my water hadn't broken, I wasn't allowed to push yet. That was probably the hardest part of it all - not allowed to do something I really needed to do to feel better. I was using all these other breathing techniques I'd never thought I would because they were so silly when we were learning them. But I had to keep from pushing and that's what they did for me.

I guess at one point, I was sitting on the ball and my legs were shaking so hard. I couldn't stop them. I didn't know at the time that this meant I was in transition, the point before you start pushing the baby out. All I knew was that I didn't think I could go much longer. I could feel myself wanting the drugs. lol At one point, they suggested I get on the bed again. I was lying on my left side with M at my face and my doula close by. I don't remember too many details but when my midwife checked me again, I was 10cm dilated. We were surprised at how fast things were moving. It was only 5:30am. It wasn't long before my water broke. God, what a gorgeous feeling!!! Relief for that moment anyway. Now was the work.

I had completely planned on laboring standing up or something else to use gravity to pull the baby out but here I was on my side, really the only position I could be comfortable on. Finally I was allowed to push. My gosh, the sounds that came out of me now! I remember pushing, I remember everyone saying they could see the baby's head, I remember M leaning over and looking at it, I even remember me touching her head. I remember the midwife telling me to change the pushing noises to push down rather than out (I can't explain it better than that) - instead of pushing out with my grunts, the focus needed to be down and out. It seemed to do the trick. Emer came out in about 20 minutes of pushing. The relief was incredible!

The midwife laid her on my chest as I'd asked and we set our eyes on our daughter (by the way, M got to announce it to me) for the first time. I was just amazed and thinking of it now makes me tear up a bit. I had to have a few stitches because she came out pretty fast but I didn't even notice the rest of the labor. We did get a good look at the placenta about an hour later, and I have to say how incredible it is to see something that kept your child alive for 10 months.

Don't worry, we didn't bring it home with us, nor are we cooking it. That's just too gross.

Bun not coming out of the oven...

I know, I know.. I'm still before my due date. I was hoping for an October baby, go figure. November has never been an exciting month for me. Maybe that's the point. This November will change our lives. Of course, our anniversary is in November and I didn't think twice about that so I can't explain what's up with this. Maybe I just want to see my new son/daughter face-to-face sooner, rather than later. Let's get this party started!

The last few days I've started to think that maybe the bun is actually a girl. For 9 months, we've called him "him" and I admit to wanting a "him" although I'd truly be happy with a healthy child. It's funny how right now I get to see all these ads about statistics of children with autism being born is 1 in 166, and all sorts of other troubles. I start to think of all the random glasses of wine and beer (not a huge amount, mind you, but more than some, I think) I've had, all the cheese I've eaten without thinking if it's pasteurized (I mean, how can you figure out if every cheese you eat is pasteurized - it gets tedious)... But you know what I mean, I start to second guess all the decisions I've made along the way and wonder if my child is going to be born healthy. Whereas for the last 8+ months, I haven't really thought like that at all. The longer it takes for him/her to come out, the more I start to think about that... Which I guess is why I want to see him/her. Her. I don't know, I'm thinking it's a her now. God, my mom will be THRILLED. :))


Happy Halloween everyone!

Not quite there yet

So after feeling crappy and not getting a bunch of sleep the past few days, I had my doctors appointment yesterday. (Joe, you might want to close your eyes for this next bit..) I had my internal exam and I'm - woo hoo! - 1 cm dialated (9 to go). To be honest, that doesn't really mean anything other than things are getting started. They could go nowhere from here.

My midwife was asking me if the bun was moving or I was having contractions and honestly, after awhile, I just can't tell the difference. Now that I think about it, it's mostly baby moving but in the afternoon and evening, it's non-stop activity which is why I can't tell. So we did a non-stress test which involved hooking us up to a machine where we could monitor the baby's heart rate and monitor contractions by my uterus. I literally sat there for 30 minutes feeling nothing but having the tape register some contractions and some baby movements. There was a little concern but I told them it was normal as I feel most movement after noon and before 10pm at night (it was 11am). On cue, the minute we got in the car to drive home there was a flurry of activity in my stomach which didn't stop until I went to bed! (At least he knows when to calm down for his mom!)

So that's where we are for now. Tap, tap, tapping fingers.... waiting. :)) But getting excited, I have to say. M's almost finished the work he started so maybe that's what the bun is waiting for! :))

I will keep everyone posted, if you want, but I need current email addresses for a few people. Only if you want to hear right away, I have a mailing list setup for M. Mel, I don't have one for you, E- I have a few for you, what's the most current?, Hawaii girl, I need a current one as well. As for getting them to me..... maybe through the LDR email? I don't know if you can find my email setup within blogger and I'm too foggy to figure it out. Maybe through the other blog we have setup? That would work too.

Thanks,

Are we there yet?

I had a fantastic weekend. Friday night M and I decided to relax at home because we had some plans for the weekend. On Saturday, I had a girly spa day where two friends took me to get a manicure and pedicure - which M proceeded to start ripping down a wall between our kitchen and front room. Yes, I know we talked about no more remodel before the bun but as it hadn't felt like anything was happening, i told him to get started. If we had the baby that day, he could stop working, if we didn't have the baby for a month, he'd have time to finish it all! So he started taking the kitchen cupboards down after we moved the office and refridgerator to create some space for him to work.

Saturday we went to dinner with some good friends and had a lovely evening. I'm uncomfortable all the time now, so sitting for longer than a couple hours is icky. We were home by 10pm. Ah, the days when I could stay out until 11pm! I miss 'em! lol Interestingly enough, the minute I lay down, we're fine, but I'd say the bun is running out of room and sitting isn't working for either of us...

Sunday I went to yoga and the library while M proceeded to tear down more of the house. We had a baby shower of sorts of Sunday night with some friends, it was lovely. I'm not a huge fan of that sort of thing, and I really dislike being the center of attention but fortunately it didn't last long. They made a lovely meal and we got some really cute stuff for the bun - more clothes and bath stuff and a really cool diaper bag. :) Sunday night I was tired but woke up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep. I went to the couch and watched a bit of tv before falling back to sleep around 4am. I'm just uncomfortable. Full stop.

Yesterday I had to make a last run to a couple of our properties to install some scanners. I have had the scanners at home here for 2 months while we tried to troubleshoot the problems before taking them to the properties they are meant for. As I only have a week before I drop, I told them I was coming out and would set them up as far as I could. Riding in the car isn't fun and I had to go about 35 miles each way. By the time I returned, I was wrecked and spent the rest of the afternoon in bed. I felt like I was getting the flu.

Even after another crappy night's sleep, I feel better today. Not great but better. Hoping that this means maybe the time is soon?

Ok, maybe not

I have to say I was a little down that day. I *do* love reading everyone's witty and/or thoughtful blogs and it is a nice way to keep in touch with people - well, the six of you that read regularly - lol. So I'll keep going and see if anyone comes back to say hi, now that I've driven you all off! :))

By the way, did I mention I'm feelin' big? Well, yeah, that's what 37 and one half weeks of pregnancy'll do to you. I'm only lucky that it really didn't happen until this last month. I've felt pretty good this whole time, believe me, I know how lucky I am.

So last weekend was a good one. Irish and I had thought about going out of town overnight but didn't, thank god. I would've had a hard time sitting in the car for 3 hours at this point, it's just too uncomfortable. I had made plans with two high school friends for breakfast on Saturday and we met up. It's cool to 'meet' people again - to know them from twenty years ago and then talk to them and find out what they've been up to and find out that it's more similar to you than not. Not that I'm surprised, they were girls I liked in high school for a reason - more left of center than not - so I shouldn't be surprised that I still like them and find them interesting and entertaining. Hopefully we'll make it a regular-ish occurence.

After I left them, I went home and decided to go for a swim. I haven't swam at all during my pregnancy but my midwife mentioned something about turning the baby so he wasn't lying on my right side anymore. Apparently swimming is something really good for that - the weightlessness and the gravity of swimming facedown pulls his back towards my tummy... I don't know if it works at all but it felt LOVELY. I took two of those water noodles and put them under my armpits and I did laps of the breast stroke. It wasn't really 'work' or even exercise, it was pleasure. Pure and simple weightless pleasure. I'm going again today. :)

The rest of the weekend was very relaxing. The weather was dreary which made for laying around watching movies the perfect Sunday. We made banana pancakes, read the Sunday paper and checked out "Inside Man" on Pay-on-Demand. It was a pretty good film, I have to say. It was wonderful and relaxing weekend. The last of them, I'm sure. But we're taking advantage while we can.

Giving up the ghost

I don't know if this title fits what I'm thinking but I'll give it a go. I've been keeping this blog for about a year - the other about a year before that - and I'm getting to the point where I'm thinking that there are some reaaaallly good writers out there, and I'm not one of them. I have an interesting life - to me!- but I can't take the time to sit down and put these things into words like some of the bloggers I read.

Now that I'm about to have a bun, I can imagine that my blog is going to consist of bun-like topics whether I like it or not and I'm not sure I want to subject anyone to that. I'm worried for my friends locally because I already find that my topic of conversation is limited. I know, I know.. you are going to say it's such a big part of my life and it should be important but I'm a little bored by it all. I'm boring myself (!) and that's not good.

So I'm thinking I might shut down this blog for awhile and just keep commenting on the blogs I read, the real people who are witty and entertaining. Maybe I shouldn't make any snap decisions at this point but I would tell those of you who actually read this occasionally that you have about a month before I write again. I'll post a photo of the bun, but after that..... well, I need to think about it. And I'll keep reading you - so you won't be missing me!!! :))

Friday afternoon musings

To start off with, Mel, a doula is like a helpful support person (in addition to your labor nurse and your midwife/OB who help with the delivery but not the natural form of pain management) during your delivery. This is someone I hire, in an effort to keep my birth natural, to help myself and Irish navigate through the hard bits by helping me keep breathing, keep changing positions, keep natural. Apparently, doula's first came into being out here in Seattle although a lot of people don't use them. But the statistics say that doula's help with the birth experience and help keep the level of intervention down if it's not needed by just being supportive. Most people would probably have just their husbands/partners and I'm pretty sure M could manage but on the off chance I have a 30 hour labor, even he's going to need a rest! Of course, it could be so painful that I'm screaming for drugs in the first 10 minutes and then I've wasted a chunk of cash, but there you go. It's worth it to me.

Can I just say what a beautiful morning it is here? As you may remember, I look out at the water from my office and it was quite foggy this morning. As M says, 'we must not have paid our bill because the view is gone!'. But slowly, the fog is changing, it's still hovering over the water but we can see the mountains and islands in the far distance and the blue sky. We can hear fog horns from the ships passing by and that is really cool. What a gorgeous fall day!

...an hour later... returning from a walk down by said water. sigh. What a lovely day.

I'm so mellow now, I don't have much more to say. Have a great weekend!